Advice from Pastors' Wives
May 2008
Dear Sisters in Christ,
The newsletter this month is a little different from those in the past. Instead of an article, we compiled from pastors' wives the answer to the following question:
What is the one main lesson the Lord has taught you as a pastor's wife, that you would pass on to the wife of a newly appointed pastor?
For me, the answer was simple:
"Support your husband's vision--share it and make it your own life's mission."
I trust that the following words of advice will be an encouragement to you, as we unite with our husbands and churches to fulfill the Great Commission of Jesus Christ.
United with you in Him,
Sandy Hopler
Advice from Pastors' Wives
Virginia Biang, wife of Chris Biang, Glen Arbor Community Church, West Chicago, IL:
Be your husband's main supporter, and make sure he knows it. There may come a time when he may feel very alone and he will need you by his side.
Dawn Bovenmyer, wife of Dave Bovenmyer, Stonebrook Community Church, IA:
RESPECT your man--say it with both words and actions AND remember that your number one job is to be his helpmeet. Ask him often, "What can I do to help you?" and mean it!
Thelma Clark, wife of Dennis Clark, Prairie View Community Church, Parker, CO:
I've needed to remember that he's the pastor, I am not--I am a wife and a mother like many other women in the church. Because he has a much bigger sphere of influence and responsibility, I should:
1) Free him up as much as I can, working hard to maintain the home and train the children well, and 2) have a daily vital, growing relationship with the Lord, asking Him to help me always be content--which is one of the biggest "helps" to our husbands.
Mary Knox, wife of Brent Knox, Evergreen Community Church, MN:
Your husband is the pastor, not YOU. And you are not the ASSOCIATE-PASTOR. You are his helpmate, companion, mother of his children, another member of the congregation, etc.
My verse: "Walk before Me and be blameless" Genesis 17:1 (NASB). Don't be a people-pleaser. Be humble, authentic, open. Don't let people put you on a pedestal, just because you're a PW, as we so fondly call ourselves in Minneapolis. I've told people publicly, "Get me off that pedestal." Remind them that you're just like them (Acts 10:26).
Mardean Martindale, wife of Herschel Martindale, International Ministry, MD:
Don't receive an accusation or instruction for your husband, but encourage the person to go directly to your husband, following biblical principles. It is not our job to instruct or defend our husband, but to pray for and love them. This gives the Lord the opportunity to teach or correct.
Terry Putthoff, wife of Dave Putthoff, Lee's Summit Community Church, MO:
My trust and confidence is in the Lord, not in my husband. It frees him up to be who God calls him to be and to go where God calls him to go. Sarah followed Abraham when he "went out not knowing where he was going." Sometimes we (via our husbands) are called to go a direction that may not seem logical, at least to our American culture indoctrination. But after we have openly discussed our concerns, ultimately we need to release our husbands to follow the way they feel God is prompting them. Then we can be as the armor bearer was to Jonathan in I Samuel 14:7 and say, "Do all that is in your heart; turn yourself, and here I am with you according to your desire."
Roz Short, wife of Tom Short, Linworth Road Church, OH:
One of the most important things that the Lord has taught me is that I need to listen to Him. I have always had a tendency to want to please everyone and to meet their expectations--and of course, it's just not possible. I have needed to continually go to the Lord for His guidance, His strength, and His approval--and then I can have the confidence that I am doing what He wants me to do. My desire is to hear from Him, and then to follow! "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me" John 10:27.
Cindy Sokoll, wife of Pat Sokoll, Mars Hill Church, IA:
1) Letting Pat decide how involved I am in church affairs--not me insisting on knowing more than he decides--and knowing when to drop concerns, trust them, and God.
2) Spending quality time together, romancing, playing, laughing, holding hands, touching, and keeping your passion burning for one another--FIND THE TIME because this glorifies God!
Neva Whitney, wife of Rick Whitney, Great Commission Northwest, CO:
A close, daily time with God is the only way we will be able to pour out our heart for others, day after day, for the rest of our lives. In ministry there are many challenges that come up and they are sudden and they are hard. We will feel tremendous pressure on our marriages and our families. So don't wait until your children are older. Don't wait until your kids are gone. Connect with God today!
Desperately seek His face, even if it's only for a few precious minutes at a time. This will allow you to be an even more enthusiastic support to your husband. If you are talking to God, He will help you to not be a drain, or a distraction, to what He is trying to do through your husband and your marriage and your family and you. Remember God is able to instruct, calm, and bless your soul, and He is even better at that, than the best pastor/husband. You may have the best man in the land, but God is even more able.
Spending time with God daily is the only way that we will be able to finish the race.
Barb Wilson, wife of Berk Wilson, Grace Community Church, Cary, NC:
I think the biggest thing I've learned is this:
Trust my husband and his wisdom. He is before the Lord every day reading, learning, obeying, so when he makes a decision that I don't think is the right one, go with his decision. I guess that's submission at work. I can't think of one time that I've done that and I've had the opportunity to say, "I told you so." God has shown me over and over again that, after giving him my thoughts, I am only blessed as I follow his decisions.
Mary Young, wife of Bill Young, The Rock Church, Salt Lake City, UT:
I would have to say that the main lesson that the Lord has taught me over the years, and over and over again, is that Bill was the one who became the pastor and that does not mean that I am the co-pastor. It's very difficult for me not to want to "help" him and guide him in some of his duties and responsibilities.
I know he couldn't be successful without me, and God certainly uses me in his life. But what I've learned is that I am not responsible for the church and the sheep. The responsibility was given to Bill and he's the one answerable to God, not me. So, that means there are times I need to step away from what might be going on and trust God to lead Bill, not me, in decisions to be made and things that need to be done.
